first time bouldering at rock oasis with paul was pretty rad. its actually the best thrill to free fall and do a rolling land on your back at those heights. i couldn’t even squeeze a water bottle the next day though.
bro and i had shawarma and beer at queen’s park after climbing. alright now the funniest thing though: we were there until like midnight sitting on the bench and we see more than couple of guys walking around and stepping over construction fences along the actual paved foot path into the protected grass and obscure tree areas. so naturally when this middle aged black guy steps over back to paved area for like the fifth time i was like, “excuse me is there a special event going on today?”
he comes over and coyly laughs, ‘ahaha you’re joking hey?’ and immediately my gaydar goes off and i think to myself, ‘ok so this guy is definitely gay.. hmm actually now that i think about it there really isn’t any girls walking around? but i mean it is like midnight so they probably keeping away from dark parks’.
so i tell the guy ‘yeah i’ve really no idea whats going on is there a scavenger hunt or a sports game or something?’. and then he comes closer and he squeezes my shoulder and says ‘ you’re not serious hey, you’re pretending you don’t know’.
i was like ‘fuck is this dude trying to pick me up something what’s happening?!’
paul sitting beside didn’t see the shoulder squeeze but i’m pretty sure he realized this guy is gay at this point and also became curious and asks ‘no, actually we have no idea what is going on we’re trying to figure it out’.
the guy says, ‘ok i want to show u something come’. we start to follow him and i think to myself, ‘i hope i can join for free if its a scavenger hunt or something’.
we all stop at this empty fountain. and i go,
‘alright wait what is here? i don’t see anything’
the guy: ‘ok now i want u two make out in front of me’
me and paul: ‘wait what?!’
i put up my hands, i back off, i lol and i say, ‘sorry bro i’m def straight. sometimes i wish i were gay it would make my life easier cause women are harder. wait is this all a gay thing going around the park?! is it pride month rn?’.
i look around tring to find shadowy evidence of my new revelation and meanwhile the dude perhaps realizing that i’m no easy convert now goes closer to paul.
so now i walk hurriedly toward back to the bench in amused disbelief and focused on finding this evidence and leaving paul behind.
soon paul catches up to the bench and what now he’s accompanied by another dude! this time a short seemingly vietnamese guy.
me: ‘ok wtf is going on here man??!!’
viet guy: ‘oh you don’t know? it’s cruising.’
i sensed weaker gaydar signals from this guy but still kinda detectable.
paul: wait what’s crusing?
this new guy too motions us to follow and we all cross over the orange fence and go under the shade of the trees away from lamp lights.
viet guy: ‘ok don’t be obvious but peek at the guy standing beside tree at 2 o’clock’.
we all entered nat geo wildlife observation mode. the shadowy figure was at the tree and when another figure walked past him, he pointed at his crotch. but the second figure walked away.
viet guy: ‘yep that guy is cruising’
he proceeds to explain me and paul this non-verbal complex hand and mouth gestures (a part of which we just saw), which i honestly can’t even remember and tells us that all of this is for a bj.
pretty sure i can’t remember because the whole time i was repeating to myself, ‘what the fuck, what the fuck, what the fuck …’. but i’m want to say my open personality still maintained a frame of amusement.
anyways when this viet guy also tried to pick one of us up or suck either one of our dicks, i ditched them both to let paul deal with his new friend.
now found myself lurking around in the shadows like a ninja wild life behavioural observer and trying to camouflage myself among the gays and their ways.
and soon i see paul again racing towards me
paul: ‘dude dude dude dude u won’t believe what happened’.
me: ‘what?’
paul: ‘u know the asian dude we were just talking to? i watched this guy suck off that guy on the picnic table! no the white guy in the middle! i was talking to him, and he saw that hand motion thing and he went over. they were like right in front of me and i wasn’t even prepared to see it and it started! and i could literally hear the noises ahh! it’s was a slurping sound like [this cringe man attempts to recreate sound fx]!
at this point i was rofl and somehow the previous black guy and viet guy both came over and simultaneously tried to homosexualize us in desperation. the black guys was like, ‘oh you are korean? i lived in korea many years, u know itaewon?’.
herein perhaps my moment of epiphany, ‘oh shit is this what hot chicks gotta go through when they reject desperate sausages?’.
we quickly and diplomatically bid adios and headed back to our car joking and cracking up at wtf just happened.